I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Randomize
