The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
