if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
