Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
