you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
