I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
