capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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