The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
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