Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
