Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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