he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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