If i come over, it means nothing
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
