i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
