And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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