I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
