I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
