omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
