great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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