Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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