Farmville is her only friend.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
