i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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