dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
