You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
