Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
