broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
