On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
