it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
