I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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