So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize