It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think I am morally bankrupt
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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