I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
