Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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