I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
