Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
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He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
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Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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