I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
