Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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