dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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