We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
