Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
