I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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