Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
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