Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
