just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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