Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
