the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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