You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
