why didn't you poke me back
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
