She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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