Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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