A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
