We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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