I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
