Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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