I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
