He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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