Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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