Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
