just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
my penis made a compromise with my morals
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
