I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
