you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
