I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
