either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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